Initiation to benevolent communication

What challenge inspired this recipe?

At all times, in their life, and at all times during volunteering projects, a young person is required to enter into relationships and communicate with other people. Everyone, having their own life journey, their perception of the world, their reality, reacts in one way or another. Everyone expresses themselves with what seems right to them according to their own representations and using their own strategies. This communication based on personal interpretations very often leads to misunderstandings, judgments and thus conflicts. Non-violent communication allows us to realize that behind each judgment there is an unfed need and that behind each strategy there is a need that seeks to be fed. The needs are universal and therefore allow us to speak a common language where we can understand each other and ease tensions. This non-violent communication begins with oneself by identifying one’s feelings and emotions to perceive one’s needs, whether nourished or not, and then being able to express them to others.

Ingredients :

– Markers or chalk
– Leaflets listing feelings and needs
– Sentences from everyday life formulated in jackal language (judgments, reproaches, interpretations)

Step by step guide

1. Framework and presentation:
(Please note, it is important to have good knowledge and good practice of NVC to lead this workshop).

– Install the frame:

> Importance of respecting everyone’s words (we don’t all share the same ideas and that’s ok), of not sharing what is said here outside (confidentiality).
> Feel free, right to stop (before exercise, to respect the commitment).
> Speak in “I” as much as possible to talk about yourself and not include others in your own thoughts/reflections/beliefs, take responsibility for what you think.

– Introduction :
> The facilitator talks about his meeting and his report to the CNV, about what she wears it for and why he wants to share. (The facilitator talks about a life situation to illustrate the usefulness of NVC)
> Light and fluid contribution of theory linked to the previous narration.
2. Exercise to work on Observation:
In a large group, propose 2 situations in “jackal” language and for each of these situations, invite the group to reflect: “is this an observation for you? What makes you say that ? What would an observation be? »

– CONTEXT 1: upstairs in the volunteers’ house, on a Sunday afternoon.
A said to B: “are you deaf or what? I can’t stand your crazy music anymore”
Proposed observation: this is metal music that makes the walls shake, or which requires you to raise your voice when speaking to yourself in order to understand each other.
– CONTEXT 2: A volunteer receives a call from her best friend, from her country of origin. On the phone she said: “Since you left for your volunteering project you no longer give a damn about me. You don’t even respond to my messages anymore”
Observation proposal: the best friend sent 8 messages in 15 days and the volunteer did not respond to any of these messages.
(the best friend does an interpretation. Perhaps the volunteer no longer had wifi or perhaps they are going through a difficult time or have lost their phone. They don’t necessarily care cum.

Then, if necessary, a little theoretical contribution to the subject of observation: an observation is only made up of observable facts. It is observing without evaluating, without passing judgment or interpretation. Everyone agrees that we see the same thing. This is what a camera could record.
3. Exercise to work on the notion of needs and strategies:
In a large group. Participants stand in a standing circle.
– One of them places themselves in the center of the circle and shares a passion/activity that they particularly like. Other participants who share or feel connected to this passion take a step forward. We observe then they return to their place.
– Invite the participant who is always at the center to name the needs that are nourished in them when they do this activity or passion. To help, the facilitator asks questions such as: “What does this allow you to experience? How do you feel when you live this passion? »
– Propose a need among what the participant proposes, verifying that this is what makes them experience. Then, invite participants who share this need to take a step forward.
– Ask one of them to take the place in the center and name what moment in their life or what activity allows them to feed this need. “When do you feel this need?” What do you do on a daily basis to take care of this need? (and to go further and address feelings: “how do you feel when this need is satisfied?”
– And so on. Do the exercise 2 or 3 times. The idea being to realize that needs are universal but that the strategies to feed these needs are variable and sometimes very personal.
– End with a time for discussion. What did you observe? What do you think ? what does that do to you?
4. Exercise to work on listening and reformulation:
Alone and then in groups of 2 or 3.

– Invite participants to think about a situation (a moment during their volunteering project or a moment from the previous days) which is a pleasant moment which marked them more than the others. Give them 5 minute

Before you start cooking, keep in mind…

Participants may not understand the meaning of the exercises or understand the principle of this communication. This is why it is necessary to be trained and accustomed to non-violent communication to be able to give this workshop.